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SPIRIT
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The 37 pages in this Main Information section are below.
Avoiding The Fostering Of Negative
Perspectives
By CinnamonMoon
We all come into rough times in life,
times that can make us angry or bitter. When we experience something
deeply wounding it is so easy to foster the negative perspective.
We can tell when we're doing that because we look for others
who will lend their ears and offer us sympathy and we don't
just do it to vent or let off steam, we do it consistently over
the same matter…over and over again every chance we have.
It becomes an obsession or potentially a compulsive issue and
dwelling on it is like treading water, you don't go anywhere
you just stay where you're at and exhaust yourself. Your energy
gets low and you grab onto anything or anyone that comes along
to rest yourself. Those who offer sympathy and continue to do
so without offering a solution are helping to create a state
of self-victimization. Instead of tending your wound to cleanse
it, even if it does sting a little, you're slapping a band aid
over a contaminated surface. As you cover it up you have to
sit in the pain it has caused. That's not healing or growing
from the experience but it is giving the wound room to become
quite infected. Then it begins to fester and grow worse, to
the point where it can become incapacitating. Anger, resentment,
insecurity, low self-esteem, these are energy takers one and
all, we deplete our strength and stamina and then turn to others
for their support draining their energy resources. We're not
getting better and constantly need more support.
If someone is sitting with a negative
experience and dwelling on it, they are essentially taking on
the role of victim. If they stay in that role too long they
end up incapacitated. At that point asking for help in dealing
with it becomes an obsession, they aren't looking to really
heal, they're looking for someone to listen, offer sympathy
and they feed off that sympathy. It becomes a pity party and
they want to get all the company they can find to join them
and celebrate their misery. When this happens what are we as
observers to do? Perhaps we are strongly empathic and their
pain is hitting us hard. Do we dive into sympathy mode saying
'there, there, I know it hurts' or do we move past that to compassion
and aid? Well we cannot foster negativity when we're to help
them empower themselves; that simply doesn't work. All the fostering
serves to do is to create a co-dependency…we give and they
take.
We need to help them heal and shift
their focus to self-empowerment by giving to themselves. Showing
someone how to love themselves, how to forgive themselves for
making mistakes, and then how to move past them is far more
giving than creating that state of co-dependency isn't it? We
need to help people find the tools to work through their issues.
We can say: "Oh, I know how that feels, and I understand
what you're going through. I felt that way too once until I
found that ___________ (fill in the spiritual lessons or life
lessons that apply to resolving things) and those feelings just
started to change in a very positive way!" We can say:
"I can only imagine how that must have hurt you and I'm
sorry it happened. I've been in a similar situation where _________
(fill in the blank) and I found that by applying certain spiritual
perspectives and techniques there was a way to transform the
hurt. Would you like to give that approach a try?" If they
say yes, then share what you learned. If you can't offer anything
perhaps direct them to someone who can, but do something constructive
instead of helping them self-destruct or go into a deeper depression.
The physical reality is filled with
challenges in life and relationships … the lessons we need
to learn to grow often come through such experiences. Some are
very painful and sympathy has it's place, but with spiritual
perspectives and the higher good in mind we can overcome the
sacred point of view overcoming the carnal aspects of life.
We can raise our conscious awareness to see the bigger picture
stepping out of the glue that holds us to circumstances or situations.
Once we learn to do this we learn to move past the pain, to
find our own power to rise above these things and grow strong
from them…we take the steps we need to take toward healing.
We learn to see life lessons for what they are and take from
them the wisdom of our experience. Often through this process
we see we have been learning through trial and error and much
of life is like that. Through our own lessons we come to what
we have to offer others…the value of our own experiences
and the way to finding the courage to rise above them. Compassion
and empathy can be tools of understanding and assistance, or
they can be misapplied and lead us into a state of co-dependency.
Where sympathy turns negative and fosters that very negativity
the person is trying to free themselves from we enable people
to stagnate or wallow instead of helping them heal. We're not
doing anyone any good that way are we? No one wants to sit in
someone else's misery, and while a pity party serves a purpose
at first (and we're all entitled to have one now and then) we
have to leave that behind and exit that room at some point or
we end up in a self-defeating situation that only gets worse.
I try hard not to enter into pity
parties finding the more people that join in with the group
the longer they seem to last. In order to leave those parties
behind we have to step back and that can often take courage…especially
if the individual is someone we care deeply for. The experience
may have left them in fear or insecure, perhaps it was highly
traumatic, or perhaps even left them feeling deep guilt or shame.
Sometimes we self-inflict our wounds and at other times we self-infect
those inflicted by others. The answer is in learning to stop
doing that and begin a healing process through a positive approach.
If you take these types of situations and see them as seeds,
what kind of soil would you plant those seeds in? One rich with
inspiration and encouragement to put for the effort to grow
in fertile ground or in the contaminated soil of negative perspectives?
Which type of soil will produce a healthy plant? The soil is
in our minds…how we add the nutrients to make it fertile
determines what that seed pod opens into and whether it will
be strong enough to sprout so it can rise above ground. Compassion
for that effort is a positive thing and so is our empathy when
we use it to understand what it takes to do that based on our
own experience. To encourage that effort is like the quenching
rains that fall to bring moisture to the soil. That person needs
to hear that their efforts are noticed and be encouraged to
keep reaching further to find their strength. The effort required
to reach up, to rise up like a sprout reaching for the Sun can
be very intense as it breaks ground. They may be fearful of
not being able to do that alone and we can walk with them matching
their efforts, step for step as it were. And we can point out
that in that effort the seed has produced something…a new
form coming into being…self-empowerment making them stronger
and more capable of overcoming their travails. The sprout breaking
through the fertile ground grows into a strong and healthy plant
because those perspectives continue to draw forth expansion,
nurturing like the Sun and rain.
Someone who's been through a negative
experience, be that by choice or not, is going to need time
to explore it emotionally. At some point that needs to shift
to exploration without emotion too. Those emotions are what
contain the pain and they have to let them subside first. It's
easy, oh so easy to get caught up in that emotional trap. The
emotion calls us to the issues and that's where we need to set
the emotion down…yep, right on top of that issue so we
can hold it in place until it stops wriggling around. Sitting
there letting the emotion settle itself a bit helps too. Then
we can lift the emotion, set it aside, and begin to examine
the issue itself…our part, not the offending party's role
but our own role in what played out is what we need to examine
first. Why did we let this happen? We were naive? Were we foolish?
Were we not thinking? Were we ignoring our own warning signs
wanting something to be something it wasn't in the first place?
Were we just plain stupid? Whatever the reason, we entered into
that experience too and there's a lesson waiting for us but
we have to find it, own it, and then take responsibility for
it and the change it calls for in our own nature or perspectives.
That's not always easy to do, no one likes looking at their
misgivings or mistakes.
Helping someone see from this perspective
calls for compassion and a non-judgmental approach so they can
accept their part in the matter. It brings clarity, empowers
them to make a better choice next time, and shows them how they
actually grew through the experience. It often lends insight
into the other matters with those involved and the individual
can see where it was a lesson (learned or not) for them too.
Shadow Lessons are generally doozies to be sure, but we all
have them, we all get hurt in some fashion and we are all capable
of change so it doesn't happen again. If we hold the negative
perspective what we're really doing is feeding that pain, feeding
into the emotions it brings up, and we're holding ourselves
captive. In this we dwell in the past because we can't let go
of it. We've all more than likely been on that end of the rope,
hanging on for dear life because it is something we think has
made a huge impact-and likely it has but now we're turning that
impact into an anchor that will not let us move forward. If
we let go of that rope the anchor is useless, we can set sail
again and we're free. Sure, we know *now* what the rope leads
to and we don't have to pick it up again, or another one just
like it either…gosh did we just learn something there?
We all know rope-burns sting for a while but they can heal.
And if we are to help others through situations we can understand
instead of rubbing more salt in the wound or joining in the
pity party they need to stomp around in. By opening the door
for them, inviting them out into another room or out into the
sunlight of a new day we can help them see they can change perspectives
very quickly. To walk in our own power is to spread that power
in the world and the sharing of it helps empower others.
Taking a constructive approach to
examining the issues in a given situation allows clarity and
a more positive reinforcement. Once the individual opens themselves
to those insights they can look at the other person/s involved
and gain understanding of their role. Without this experience
this knowledge would not have been gained. Suddenly the person
bringing the pain to bear may become a great benefactor…or
not as the case may be, but we all have our roles to play and
we play them for a reason. Perhaps the other person was a Shadow
Teacher and the lesson itself was teaching us to find our courage,
to dig deep to find our strength, and to overcome their influence
and set our own boundaries in life. We'd know another Shadow
Teacher just like them the next time one appeared because they'd
carry that same kind of energy and we'd be wiser, we'd know
what that energy felt like and we'd opt to take another direction
and avoid repeating that lesson.
Once we learn we don't have to repeat
the course it took to bring us that knowledge…but to get
'there' from 'here' takes time and effort, it takes the willingness
to embrace the lesson and to
do that we have to see it first. Each painful experience we
have in life has its own duration to heal, some faster than
others, some spanning many years as we struggle to find our
answers. But if we see someone in pain and we recognize that
pain from the same or a similar experience we can offer them
a way out. If we've conquered that kind of pain ourselves we
can share how we learned to overcome it. That's a positive perspective
we can gift them with and then we can decide if we're able to
walk with them for a while or if we need to keep walking. Sometimes
all someone needs is to find their way to the door, some people
need a little more help to steady themselves as they walk through
it. Whatever the impact of our touch, in some form we've offered
healing balm. It's up to them to choose to apply that salve
or not, and it's up to them to choose to cleanse their wounds
in the first place. Strapping them down and doing it for them
won't help the next time you're not around and something happens.
Teaching someone how to cleanse their wound and prevent infection
is going to bless their journey in life as there are certain
to be more along the way in one form or another. And through
spiritual perspectives being shared the strength they bring
to the surface of things is amazing. Share your healing knowledge
with others, steer them away from dwelling in negative perspectives
and help them learn to transform them into positive ones. Do
the same thing for yourself…learn how to transform yourself,
your perspectives, and your life in positive ways. Reach out
a hand if you need one, another will take you in hand and help
steady you. If not grab the wall and hang on as you stagger
out the door but do get out that door as fast as you can.
Whether that escape from pain is
short or long in coming, do not berate yourself for the time
it takes to achieve it. It is what it is and it was meant to
be that way. Some of us are more sensitive than others and I
can certainly sympathize with that either way. The point is
that sympathy brings forth the compassion but we can't share
it with others until they're ready to embrace it and until then
all we can do is try to help them see the need to do just that.
Sometimes it means being a bit cold or blunt to wake them from
their stupor, or someone being cold and blunt to wake us from
our own rock bottom state. Eventually we get as low as we can
get and when we do the only way is back up out of our pit of
despair, back up into the light of day…out of that pocket
we were seeded in and into Spirit's nourishment. Offer a hand
when you can, take one when you need to but reach either way,
don't foster the negative perspectives, shine the light on Spirit
and show the way. Once the healing is complete, the strength
and courage found, stay your path, do not live up to the expectations
of others, do not step aside from your own standards to follow
others. Unless you wish to be more like them and learn from
them there's nothing you'll gain being a follower. Follow only
to observe, learn and then walk your path again. Walk in your
own shoes and do it honorably as you follow your path through
life. If you fall down pick yourself back up and dust yourself
off. Skinned knees happen, they heal and we walk on. And remember,
until someone is ready to heal there's no amount of sympathy
that is going to quench insatiable wallowing in self-pity. You're
not helping them if you feed into that. And if you're feeling
the blues it's not going to help you if someone contributes
to them either. Help comes from those who say: "Come on,
take my hand, I'll help pull you out of that fetid swamp, you
don't have to stay there contaminating your spirit." And
if someone says that to you take their hand. But don't take
the hand of those who want to sit there with you, that's not
going to get you anywhere.
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Libraries
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INDEX
Page 3
(Main Section, Medicine Wheel, Native Languages &
Nations, Symbology)
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INDEX
Page 5
(Sacred Feminine & Masculine, Stones & Minerals)
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©
Copyright: Cinnamon Moon & River WildFire Moon (Founders.)
2000-date
All rights reserved.
Site
constructed by Dragonfly
Dezignz 1998-date
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